Betty’s How To Guide: Spotting The Party T-rex

Alright.  We’ve all been there.

Ok.  Let’s start that again.  Most of us have been there.  That’s way less generalizing.

It’s called T-rexing, and it’s definitely not the new black.  What is T-rexing you might ask yourself?  Well, I’ll tell you.  It’s this:

Don't do it.

Don’t do it.

If you’re still not picking up what I’m putting down maybe this will jot your memory:

World’s Best Dancer

Guy Tripping Out

Ok, maybe I should explain myself.  Purposely acting like a dinosaur is always cool.  I mean, let’s be honest here, if you pretend you’re a Raptor eating blueberries in the woods ripped on acid that’s funny.  If you and six other people all pretend to be T-rexes trying to shotgun beers that clearly gets a double high kick for hilarity.  Head-butt cereal at your local supermarket pretending your a Triceratops = FUCKING AWESOME.  ACTING LIKE DINOSAURS IS ALWAYS COOL.  IT WILL BE COOL FOREVER.

This is always cool

This is always cool

Now.  Getting too high on MDMA or E turns people into accidental T-rex dinosaurs.  It might be funny as hell to your friends, but you look like a moron and will clearly not get you laid.  Here is my (Betty’s) how to guide on how to spot these little buggers at your next party, party fun time:

– Human turned dinosaur cannot move their arms properly.  They are positioned in front, semi-stretched out with their hands limp.  These are the itty-bitty T-rex arms that are typically AWESOME but less awesome when someone has lost control of their limbs.

– Morphed human looks like their chewing something or someone, when in reality their eating their own face.  Not a good look.  Help a brother out and get him some gum.  STAT.

– T-rex is clearly having issues communicating.  Human-dino is growling/shaking their head, but little is coming out.  What they mean to say is: “fuck me, I’m too high.”  What they actually say is: “mmmmmmfklnjjklmmmmm.”  Insert dumping water into mouth here.

– If the T-rex is super mangled their gunna try to tear up the dance floor.  Literally.  As much as they want to destroy that sick beat, put them on a time out.  It doesn’t matter how hard they dance, the beat cannot be destroyed by their shitty dancing.  When you’re this fucked up, you have lost your license to dance.  You get it back when you can remember your own name.

So.  The moral of the story.  Don’t turn into a T-rex.  If you do, you will be shamed for a long, long time.  If you happen to meet one of these creatures, help them out.

END.

Question: What comes before Part B?

Answer: You’ll figure it out

-Betty

4 Comments on Betty’s How To Guide: Spotting The Party T-rex

  1. Thank you for the awesome public service announcement, that needed to be said. Also thanks for the Worlds best dancer… That guy is killing it for a T-Rex!

  2. Special K // July 9, 2013 at 8:14 am // Reply

    Betty,

    Thank you for finally shining some light on to this subject. Sweaty prehistoric beings may have roamed the earth at one time, but evolution has since moved on. Commenting on history is cool (aka. http://youtu.be/y4Eh-xpcJsY go to 00:15), involuntarily going back in time… Not so cool.

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